Some Oldies, But Goodies

The Perks of Being Over 50

-- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

-- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

-- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

-- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

-- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

-- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

-- Things you buy now won't wear out.

-- You can eat dinner at 4 PM.

-- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

-- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

-- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

-- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

-- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

-- You sing along with the elevator music.

-- Your eyes won't get much worse.

-- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

-- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

-- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

-- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.