Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Old People

This is from:
David McClure from the Dallas News Community Opinion page.

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and
something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid
a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change
when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever
said to me. He said, "It's OK ! I'll just give you the senior citizen

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I
stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet, a mere child! Senior

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong
with Emo! Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I
strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front
of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter
disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys
behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried
another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging
from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview
mirror !

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back
seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten
doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I
flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the
parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my

That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My
stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it
was nowhere to be found!

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the
restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black
nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"but
all I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this
point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and
then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young
lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding
up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my
truck by mistake !" I took the food and drink from the little boy and
sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK ! My grandfather does stuff like
this all the time!"

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I
was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer,
I'm not too old to be driving this fast!

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I
handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat
in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home !
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today.

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable..

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or Mindy or where they was from..

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ',
or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type?

That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S.. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Just remember though, all the things people take for granted today were invented by all of us 'old fogies'!


Penny said...

I could do any/all of these things on a given day--- and I'm only 44! ;)

Grandma J said...

You're talking about me, right? I love your posts!

Linda said...

Ah, Penny and Grandma J,
I'm so glad you take the time to visit. No, I'm not talking about either of you. It is me...I'm the old one!

Fredd said...

48? I can barely remember back when I was 48, that was so long ago (I'm 54...in two months I'll be 55). And I still think of myself as I was during my mispent youth.

And I have a daughter who is 8.

And in second grade.

She has better computer skills than I do, and I have been using computers forever. And my computer skills are not all that bad, I remember using computers in the army in 1976, when the computer server took up almost an entire building.