Monday, July 20, 2009

Where to Live After Retirement

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can jump into your swimming pool and feel like you are in a hot bath.

4. You take a cooler with you to the grocery store so that cold groceries don't melt.

5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The wrinkles around your eyes are from being blinded by the sun even with sunglasses on.

8. You get 3rd degree burns trying to start your car because the ignition is so hot.

9. You are happy when you here a cold front is coming in and the temperature will be under 100.

10. You burn your fingers when you put your hands under the 'cold' water.

11. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house..

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought..

You can Live in New York City where...

1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is 'nature.'

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn (if you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Montana where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas..

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. 'Y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.

3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either 'in yonder,' 'over yonder' or 'out yonder.' It's important to know the difference, too.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3.. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

AND You can live in Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state..

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Darsi said...

Yay, for the Midwest, but I do love Colorado too!!

Snigglefrits said...

'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.

That one doesn't hold up anymore, don't ask how I know that. ;)

Penny said...

I wish I could retire to Colorado, but am probably stuck in the Deep South forever. I don't go by two names and neither do my kids--- unless they're in trouble, but I know plenty of people who do. My uncle always called me Penny Lynn, but like it was one word, so that doesn't count-- does it? LOL

Mariah said...

You just ask me sometime about those traffic jams in the Midwest. They're true. And the farmers always have to take their grain to town at 7:50 in the morning...

Debbie Jean said...

I live in Ohio now, but lived in South Carolina, for 42 yrs, hence Debbie Jean...LOL..

I loved this. Thanks for sharing it!!!

Have a great Monday!

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

Im from Nebraska..and yep those tractors can cause quite the jam!!!!! hehe ~CUTE POST~