Monday, July 11, 2011

Older, not me!!!!

Now that I am older I thought it was great that I seemed to have more patience ---- turns out I don't really care!!!!

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.

.... and then she asked "What is the best form of birth control after 50? I said "Nudity."

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

"You know why woman's work is never done?" They don't get up early enough. (one man to another.)

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there!

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

Is you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.

When you think about it, God has to be the best inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loud speaker. (again from one man to another)

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour  and by the time I leave,I look just fine.

My hubby asked me "Watcha doing today?" I said "Nothing." He said "You did that yesterday." I said "I wasn't finished."

H/T  Ila

1 comment:

Penny said...

I was around ten when the book, "Sex After 60" was being advertised on TV. My curiosity (and the need to shock people) led me to ask my easily embarassable Mimi if she had sex after 60. She turned red, stammered and stuttered, then her lightbulb came on. She said, "I'll let you know when I get there." (She was only 52.) I didn't miss a beat and came back with, "But PoppaDad is over 60." LOL She stopped responding. :)
Also, at her funeral (at 84) everyone commented that she looked 40. Wouldn't that have made her day to be told that BEFORE the casket??? ;) Actually, all my life people guessed her to be about 15 or more years younger than she really was. So far, I have her genes. Will not get in the sun and mess that up! haha