More Oneliners...

The school should pay me to skip class. Call it a "tuition refund", if you will.

A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist.

I was wondering where my boomerang had landed - and then it came to me.

There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

Scars: Tattoos with better stories.

Loved are the ones who are told of their faults in private.

A:\ B:\ C:\ - Alphabet of a new generation.

Look after your wife; never mind yourself--she'll look after you.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Say nothing . . . often.

Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.

All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.

Everything is always okay in the end. If it's not, it's not the end.

You non-conformists are all alike.

Sign on a synagogue: Under same management for 5,765 years.

The extra mile isn't half as long as all those other miles.

A genius is someone who is screwed up in a useful way.

Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.