Growing Older

 

As I was lying around the pool, pondering the problems of the world,
    
    
    I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ---  anymore.
    
         .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
    
         .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
    
         .. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
    
         .. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
         
    And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
              
    Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
         
    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
         
    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
         
    3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
         
    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    5. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
    
    6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
         
    7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
    
    8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post.
         
    9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
    
   10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
    
    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
         
    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
         
    13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
         
    14. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants  to play chess.
         
    16.  Its not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.
         
    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
         
    18. These days, I  spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
          I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
         
    19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    20. HAVE I POSTED THIS BEFORE............??????